so glad to be wrong

Those who know me, know that this is rarely true. However, in this case, I'm so happy to look back and learn how wrong my thinking had been for so many years. I don't know if I convinced myself of it over the years, or if I had just created this sense of altered reality for myself as a defense mechanism as a young girl. Either way, it feels so good to learn from it, and to have more clarity now.

I always thought that my solitude was my savior. I couldn't wait for the kids to go to bed so I could be alone. My computer, a book, or the tv and I would hang out for hours each night in bliss. Now I only need small spaces of time to collect my own thoughts and center myself.

I always thought affection was for the needy and weak. There was a time and a place for it, and not necessarily that often. Now I know the comfort of a warm hand, the safety of a strong hug, and the passion of a long kiss.

I always thought doing things alone made me strong. I would shop alone, travel alone, visit relatives alone. Now I know the fun of picking out vegetables, traveling to new places, and making new memories with my best friend.

I always thought what I needed wasn't important. Or if I needed something I would take care of it for myself. Now I know that when two people love each other, they spend everyday making life better for their partner.

I always thought going to bed alone meant I was lucky to have the bed to myself and watch the channel I wanted to watch. Now I know that going to bed with the right person is the perfect opportunity for deep conversations, falling asleep after a fit of laughter, or dozing off in the perfect set of arms.

I always thought telling someone how you feel made you too vulnerable or a nag. I'm still working on this one, but so far I have learned that if someone understands how you feel, they can help make things better. It also allows them into your heart and into your life. It is an important part of a relationship and it can make or break you.

I'm so thankful for the decisions I have made in these past 6 months. I feel stronger, happier, and more loved than I ever have before. And I know I am not wrong about that.